To be yours and only yours.



I lie in your arms, and stare into the world, thats when I know, this is right where I belong.

Staying awake for you.



I swear, I swear every fucking second that I am staying awake now is for you. I just don't wanna be the last to know you are home, I cannot be. I miss you so much. so much. And thanks for non-stop calling just to ask me what I want from Singapore. Even if you bought nothing for me, I love you. Goodnight. NO, NO GOODNIGHT.I will be waiting.






Honestly, marriage was never included in my life planning before I have met you. I didn't look forward nor believe in it as I firmly believed that I will be perfectly fine without a man. I always dreamt of driving my own BMW, walking on the street with a Hermes, just whatever you see in Sex in the city, but the point is, I was always alone. With no one driving me to work, no one living with me in my imaginary mansion, no one else in the dream, except for me. Yes, I am absolutely a self-centered person. My happiness always came before anyone else's, and all I want is to be filthy rich so I can spend all my income on my collection of Chanels & Pradas. But now, I don't wanna do it alone anymore. I want to have someone there with me in my dream. I want to wake up next to you, I want to cook breakfast and dinner for you, I want to go grocery shopping with you, I want to wash your clothes for you, I want to be the last one you see every night, I want to, I want to, I want to be the last one in your life. And I am very sure that you would want me to be in yours too. Until then, may we will always have the same dream.

Singapore.



Three Days In Hell.


no, he isn't going for a couple months or whatever, he is going for 3days. Yes, 3days. It feels like forever. Trust me. Honestly, we have been talking everyday ever since we knew each other. Only when we occasionally fight over irrelevant things, we will pause for a day or so. But really, I have not been without him for a day. I cannot live without talking to him. I depend on him.

This is for you, Daniel.



I did not mean to turn this blog into a lovey dovey one. I swear. But really, love makes you forget what you swore you will never do. And in fact you will find yourself doing it over and over again. Don't get what I mean ? Find someone who is worth your love and tears first.

Forever starts here;



Can't you see that I am the one who understands you?

Here we go blue bird;


And you told me I deserve so much more, but there you are tumbling down things that I've spent tonnes of tears and compromising to build. Don't question my love. For you are the one who should be questioned now. I've had too much of compromising and so, here's your turn to go.

Through with you;



And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

Pictured perfect;



Relationship involves us, you and me together against everything, not me doing my best for our sake. And that is how our relationship worked out perfectly, baby. You just get me like I have never been gotten before.





Song of the week:
Maroon 5 - Get Back in My Life





The way it feels to be alive;





Meet the one who has got my heart pounding, mind blowing, keep smiling;

Thank you for being there all the time. Thank you for being different from all the guys I have met in the past. Thanks for showing what love really is. I may not be the best, but I am not like the rest. I promise, I wont do anything to hurt you, cause hurting you is hurting me too.

I am sorry.



I am sorry if I am not what you signed up for. I wished I did not love you anymore too but It was almost impossible. I may seem so care-free but i'm beyond fragile. My inflated ego is bruised to the extend that I don't even notice them anymore. I wasn't like this. I never expected to find myself in a 7months relationship. I am sorry if I do not show enough of affection to make you feel loved or the luckiest guy on earth. Because you are not. You are the most unlucky one among all to have chosen me. I have really bad temper that even me myself will never wanna put up with, a face that only a mother would love, a heart that cares about no one, I can go on and on about my flaws.
But sometimes you need to think of me as a normal girl too. A girl with feelings and need to have freedom. I can't be all yours, and you can't be all mine. Life ain't all about both of us. I'd honestly say that you are holding on a lil' too tight and I'm starting to suffocate. Don't, don't do this-

I was too lucky to have found you.
And I will only want to be found by you.

The weight of the heavy world.



It is a night like this that make me realize how weak and little I am.
Life gave me too much lemons, and i'm literally sick of drinking lemonade. It's time for some Coca-Cola.

Ps: It's always the ones with the strongest exterior who lies the most.

I watched us;



I am sorry that I am no good for you at all. Or you would call that "too good" ? But that makes no sense to me. I swear I am too in love with you, with us. And I struggled till your last goodbye even if I had pictured that even before it arrived. But the reality will always hurt 10 times more than you have expected it to be.

Aren't you tired?



We have numerous fights, over anything around us. We are fragile in a way that we can't be chemically or physically broken down. And I will always find my way back to your arms no matter how you misused my weakness. You, don't you dare drawing us to an end.





StumbleUpon;












MindBlown .


Photos all found from StumbleUpon.

Secret Recipe's Black Forest Cheese Cake.

You know there is nothing better than this, im serious. But sadly, there is this outlet near my house that will never allow me to just buy one slice of this heavenly made cake. It is definitely worth a try!
So will this be us in the picture after 50years?
Yes, I'm doing this. I promise myself.
I hear you calling for love;
I've been waiting for the day I hold a DSLR in my hand and picture the whole world for you.



My first AX wallet. All thanks to my one and only. I was too touched to even say "thanks", foolish me.

Of my Queen;
Alexa Chung.
So gorgeous, that I always wish I could have just a little piece of her.
oh p/s, did you know that Mulberry's signature collection, Alexa was inspired by her?


I wouldn't try to be you.
God, I really love Maroon 5. Really really do. Its the way they seem to make me feel less miserable everytime.
Listen to this heavenly done piece of work, please;

#ForAdamLevine: I won't go home without you.
Feeling miserably miserable;
It's not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show

Christian Loboutin's Bianca collection

Nobody hates a pair of perfect pumps. Seriously.
My damned first hype.

Thank god for the 6Hypes. (Sorry I print-screented it once I uploaded so there isnt any Hype)


We have been wasting too much time not dreaming.
I can not refuse your eyes,
Please don't look at me tonight.
My heart beats fast I know you're there,
And I pretend like I don't care.
It hurts so bad to know the truth,
But I am still in love with you.
Just a feeling;
"She cries
This is more than goodbye
When I look into your eyes
You're not even there"


So we went to pick sister up together for the first time. Walked all the way there but it didn't feel as far as it seemed. And I made him a sandwich actually. When he saw it, he was more than just surprised. As if he has been rewarded with unlimited Zara Clothes. It felt great that my effort was appreciated. As usual, I thank God for bringing such an amazing person into my ordinary life.

Day like yesterday should be filmed.



Haunted;



So there you are back on a mission of taking away all the things I have again. I don't remember when was the last time we really sat down peacefully and talk without any interruption, but im sure, that was way longer than forever. Look, you were the one who requested to make out, and so, you will have to know the consequences and be responssibled of it if anyone finds out. But instead, you blame it all on me. Saying that I was the one lying all along about me and him. But no, I rejected you politely and told you that I have something on with him, clearly. There you are repeating the past to me again, telling me how much of a liar i am and how you hate me till now. I don't give no shit about that, my dear. And threatening me about how you are gonna hurt yourself wouldn't help too. A wave of sympathy did blew over my face, but look, your family problems are not caused of me, nothing to do with me at all in fact. And you are not the only one with such family problems so please don't use that as an excuse for every single thing you do. I loved you not because of who you are now.

Ps: God, please save him, show him your light, guide him the way home, and make him a better person that lives with no hatred.

Satisfaction;



Damn, it's scary how perfect this week went.

Broke the ice between him and the best friend. They make such good friends and its funny how I actually was left out by both of them in a good way. Thank God for that.

We haven't been fighting recently. Only some minor arguements caused by irrelevant people. I'm sorry that I can't be writing all these on Twitter or other social networks for everyone else to see, but deep down in my heart, you know I would really love to show you my appreciation and love. Hold me close, cause I want you to be the one;

Confusion;



You got me so confused again. Standing here on the edge of falling, not falling back into your arms, but falling all out of love, all out of you. I thought we were meant to be. I thought I made the right decision to come back for you. I thought, I thought. So many " i thought". Why must you force me to the edge like this? Why do you always want things to be in your way? And when I make a small mistake, you zoom in to it and make me feel bad. Honestly, I hate that. I hate it when you try to control my life. Stopping me from talking to every guy on earth, getting jealous of me talking to females, blaming me for spending not enough time with you. I hate all these, I really do. I want us to work out too, I want us to last as long as possible, but I can't cope with someone like that. Who always blame me for anything I do. Yes you are sweet, but I'm not looking for a sweet guy, im looking for someone whom I can rely on. But you don't make me feel like settling down at all. I don't know what's the future is like, but i will do nothing to change it.


Good night heart.

I cant make it work


That's it. Too much of toleration and patience have been given throughout this relationship. Everytime we part and get back all over again, I tell myself this would be the last time. But this is never ending. You never changed. You never wanted to change either. All these while you only think of what did you do for me, and how little I've done for you. But you don't see my pain, you only see yours. Always the one making complaints, always the one trying to put all the blame on me. I always told you, love should only bring us joy, bring us smiles. Not hatred and tears every night. I don't even remember when was the last time we end a call peacefully. Why? Why are you always the one who tumbles down all the walls I built? This time is different, no longer coward like a victim, I'm clear with what I want, which is, no one.
I might just bite your lips.



Just heard rumors about me losing my virginity to him. Say what? I lost my virginity to the jerkiest jerk among the jerks? No way that will happen. No, I don't mean that I won't lose it, it's that I'd pick any guy else than him. Making love is a very sacred thing to me honestly. Ill only do it under a comfortable situation, with the person I love, and know he's worth the most of me. I'm not open minded, okay maybe I am, but this is the bottom line I've set for myself, and I'll never go over it. Conclusion of all:

No, never, I'm never ever losing my virginity and dignity to the one who has broken me down over and over again.
End of story;



Oh trust, what a lonely word.

Don't, who am I for you to trust? No, I was never worth your trust. My love is just a lie, remember? I loved you, but it was too little to be mentioned compared to yours. Too little that I feel ashamed of posting this. I know sorry doesn't cure, nothing will possibly cure you. I have terrible commitment issues, I can't seem to fix myself too. I'm sorry, I really am. But is not that you can't live without me isn't? Look at how they completed your life? Look at what J is doing for you? I'm sure you are healed, you will be healed. You can get up, and proved me wrong that you are stronger than what I thought. Please dear, please prove me wrong. I'm the demon who came here to tell you how a girl can really break u into pieces. But I'm also going to be the one who teach you how to get over something or someone who's ain't worth your tears. The memories will burn you, so you must leave them behind; my phone number will haunt you, so you shouldnt dial them again; my face will only blur your vision, so dont let it go on your mind. Me, I am suppose to be vanished from your life. I must be.

I'm selfish. So damn fucking selfish. For nothing.BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop
Who says?



Who says I'm perfect? Who says I'm even near to perfect?


Exams are over, which mean, Its time for me to face the reality. Time for me to draw everything to an end. I don't know how to do it, and a part of me doesn't want to do it too.

But there's no any other way, baby we were born in separate ways.



Call me a doctor.



Exams bring you alot of stress, that's for sure. And its bi-products are: pimples, hair-loss, less-smile, less-phone calls, and the worst of all, WEIGHT. yes, weight. I'm not sure if its just me or what, but when exam comes and i feel the stress, my one of the best way of releasing it is always to eat. Not eating bird-nest or whatever herbs that my grandma believes they help us in studying, I eat MCDONALD, PRINGLES, KIT-KAT, VITAGEN, CHOCOLATE etc. All these junks that only make studying seem tougher. Anyways I have not been studying, I have been slacking and wasting my time on social networks. Hell no, I shouldn't have created twitter. It ruined my life even after 2 weeks of having it only. God, Please give me the strength to resist all form of distractions and make sure no living things( especially those with testicles) to disturb me. I swear Im going to turn over a new leaf flower! Promise to myself and mum. And please, please just help me to dig a P5100 out before dad finds out and kill me. That could be all I wish for right now.


By the way, this is something i really look forward to:



Any suggestion for our one year anniversary celebration?

Finding out that your best friend actually bad mouth-ed you feels like eating a bar of chocolate with no hazelnut, IT SUCKS. I will buy another bar of chocolate then. And I will make sure it has nuts this time.
I did.



I did, I did like you, I did think that you are what i'm looking for, but just when i was about to settle down for you, you did it again. Being like a control freak again, and again. You said you wouldnt be the same if we were together, but the fact is, I dont even wanna be with you, knowing that you will always try all your best to butt in in whatever I do. I know it ain't right for a girl who has a boyfriend to flirt, but look, talking aint flirting, but whoever I talk to is consider as my "target" to you. Yea I know I have a bad record, but it doesn't mean that I want to have every guy i talk to. Get that right, before you even tell me how much you "love" me. Before we really began to walk into each other's life, you seemed so much like the right one for me. Everything that I've been waiting for, everything i wished to have, but when we really dedicate ourselves for each other, that's when I realize that it was just an illusion. again. I'm not right for anyone, and no one can be right for me anymore. I have not achieve octet electron arrangement prepare myself for another time of heartbreak. Even if im pretty sure i won't be the one feeling hurt this time, I don't wanna take the risk, and I don't wanna be with someone who can't make me feel the same as he did. No i will never reach for the second best, even if the best has turned against me and found his best. I feel sorry for you have fallen for another heartbreak, but It's better that I end this before we both fall too deeply into a trap.


Perhaps I will never hear from you again.
Perhaps I will be another stranger you once loved,
Perhaps the laughter we shared will be flushed together with those tears,
Perhaps we will never sing of love anymore.
empty.



'My heart is empty and I'm so cold, I don't care about you and I. "


Exactly what describes me the best. I really dont have any time left for anyone else already. I don't want to have either. I can never bring you joy, all I can do is break you down and steal your love. I am sorry for not committing myself into our relationship when you have given me everything you could already.

Remember, love won't make you cry or ask why.
And you are crying and asking why now because there's no longer love between us.
After I'm a goner.



They accused her for stealing me from them. They wanted her to leave me all to them so things will go back to how it used to be. The truth is, No, the distance between us wasn't anything to do with her. I love her, but it doesn't mean she has stolen the love I have for all of you. She is my source of happiness, she's why I have always been smiling these days. And all of you just came by and confiscated my happiness. Try to consider about my feelings and how much you can do for me. Can you call me every night without fail and tell me jokes to cheer me up whenever life gives me lemon? She can. We always spent endless credit for each other, even if its 2 in the morning and there's school the next day, she will still talk to me. Sometimes,Im really unsure of what has our friendship turned into. Perhaps not something we long to see anymore.

Wanted;



And I know no matter how far I am,

when I turn around I will still see you.
Ready to catch me when I fall,
Ready to be there everytime I whisper your name,
I can't ask for more,
cause you are already better than the best.

I love the way I love you;
Just can't get enough.



I sit here all alone again, staring into the dark and silence that kills. Here in this room where we last laid in bed together so close, once again I feel the memories haunting me, forcing me to go back to the past that I tried so hard to wash away. It's been so long since I last felt this way. Ever since you pushed me away, and I've got my mind set on him, this very different him. No, I don't love you anymore, not one bit. I've settled down well, very well, it's just sometimes I feel the urge of clicking on your msn display name and start off with a random topic, and hoping that you will open up to me about what had happened between us. I don't want you to love me, I just want u to tell me, what went wrong, what really went wrong between us that 18months had to come to an end. It feels dumb to be left behind for no proper reason. Even if I had to be killed, tell me what did I do at least. Don't you know how painful it is to be left behind by u again? And this time felt worse than ever cause I never expected it to end this way. If you are still here, reading all these craps, tell me, tell me who did you want me to be?


note the "did", it's a past tense cause I never want it to be the present anymore.
Good luck in life, in studies, in finding your true love who is never me at all.

Yours truthfully,
cecilia.
For you are here;



And we are back together again, sort of i mean. I thank God for bringing him into my life. Though he is imperfect, but he is what I want. :)


my all time favorite line:

girl: I stole your heart!:)
boy: no you didnt, i gave it to you.
What it takes to be a really hot guy;



Seriously, you are really one of the biggest asshole on earth. Just when I thought you have learnt your lesson and settled down for a girl(finally), I started seeing you flirting around, looking for new toys. That doesn't make you any hotter, nor more famous. I used to think you are really good looking, one smexy hot dick every girl would like to have, but now? Not at all. After finding out your true colours, you are no longer a heart-throb. You are a dickhead. And soon I also realized that your hair is fugly, your eyes are way too small, your legs are ugly, your everything is screwed up. I felt disgusted even when you call my name. Conclusion, what it takes to be a real REAL, hot guy is:


1. Good looking.
2. Nice body.
3. Perfect personality.


And you, SCJL, you definitely dont fit No.3.
Better off without you.



Life has been just perfect, I have been so busy, dont even have time to sit down and think to myself why is my life so perfect?!



one whole paragraph of lies. I've been at the bottom of life. Nothing can feel worse than seeing you walking away from me, without looking back. No, noting can possibly hurt as much. I'm sorry that i care too much. Sometimes i wish i was someone else. someone more simple, so being together with u wouldn't seem that hard. I'm not fighting for our love, because I know i don't deserve your love. I can't even stand up for you. well, also because you were the wrong one. but for the other girlfriends, they will for sure stand by the boyfriend's side when he has trouble. me? i run away like a coward, cut everything off from you. Im just worthless.

Wish you find someone better, who is ready to make sacrifices for you. I'm just another girl in the rubbish bin
Jar of hearts.



I don't know how to describe this feeling. I've never felt this way for a guy before. Is a feeling of, I cannot live without his presence at all, like literally can't. How can you get used to not seeing someone at all when he was actually the one you see most often in the whole week?


I walked to Pan mee alone just now. I just wanted to feel how does it feels like to be alone. I didn't have enough courage to step into the restaurant, but went to bought credit, and sat down in another restaurant instead. The one we have never been there before, so that could probably be the only place that has nothing that reminds me back to u in the whole taman megah. Perhaps this feeling will last for some time. And the memories will be haunting me.
Sweep me off my feet.



So I changed my mind again. No, not that I changed my mind, they changed my mind. I really did decided to ignore what I hear and be carefree for once in my life and love you with all my heart. But, I'm not that brave, I don't have the courage to be hated by everyone just because of someone else. I wish you were someone that everyone wants to be friend with, really really. It pains me so much to let go, pains me so much to make a decision that hurts either of us. But, I don't want you to fall deeper, and makes it harder to let go. I'm no good for you at all, you could have just took their advises and your heart will be saved. I'm sorry, and i know sorry doesn't cure anymore. I'm selfish, too selfish to only think of myself but not your feelings. But deep down in my heart, you know I will always remember you and ours. I have fallen deeply already, I can't go against gravity.


Here's my heart, take it away and replace that broken heart of yours.
Do you hear me?



So we went for dimsum. Like I dreamt about every night. Just like grown ups, we do whatever we want. It wasn't even planned at all, we just went naturally. again. Thanks for making the day perfect, and you know that I'm all melted from the inside out.


" I really really, dont know what to do if you die young. Really. " He said.
Here's the moment I feel so appreciated, for once in my life.


Why didn't you do all these that he did for me? Cause you weren't the right one, and you didn't give a shit.
10.24am.



Don't know where to start to summarize my life, cause it keeps expanding and gives me all sorts of problem. I'm a optimistic person, who barely give a shit about what others think but, i do care shit loads about my best friends. im all about 7 of them. Everything i do, i think of them. I know this sounds ultimately fake, but yes, i do think of the consequences and how would they feel. Honestly, I know i have been going too close to somee people, and going further and further from someee people. I dont want this to happen either, just want us to be happily laughing together at stupid jokes but no one is giving me this chance. Just when i have the thought of turning myself into a new person, I see all of you slowly changing. All going towards HER, and all the secrets that only you all know. I'm a sensitive person, when it comes to friendship im WORSE. I don't do things according to my mind and logic. I only think of things as how i think it is so thats why theres always misunderstanding but i will never tell it to anyone. I keep it all to myself and one day i burst into anger and tears out of no where and make you guys go frustrated about what to do with me. Im quite surprised that none of you have abandoned me yet. Cause a girl like me don't deserve best friends like all of you. Im not proud of having him as my ex, not proud of Dv, not proud of anything more than I have 7 of you as my best friend. Too late to realize.


If i die young, send me away with words of love songs sang by all of you.

Get a life.
So yeah. I've visited a fawesome blog this morning which definitely inspired me to start with a new blog. But I think the little patience I have for these blog and webpages stuffs will turn this blog a dead one soon. I'm no good at managing blogs. Thats why I privated the previous one which was full of emotional shits. Yeah, thats all for now. Evil sister sitting beside of me waiting for her turn to play some lame shit games. bye. :')
+